Joy Ma's Columbia life

Policeman - a short story of mine

2010-10-11T09:19:00.001-07:00

This is one of my early short stories. I have been trying to write in English.

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Policeman

by Joy Ma

"So, tell me, how long do we have to be here?"

Patience, patience, patience…

"I have been really patient, and at least you should tell me who we are trying to spot. Why do I have to squat here too? Why cannot I just sit in the car? What is the difference?"

“If you want to prove me treating you badly, and this is your chance. Be Quiet now.”

…

Right, patience, is something I really need now if I want everything to go smoothly as I planned. Although my girl who was squatting with me, no, not really my girl yet, did not seem to have it.

I am a 30-year-old guy, having a job in a civilian section of a local street police department I am, well, a policeman. My job quite often involves talking to old ladies working after retirement in the street government, and most of them are horrendously talkative. Being talkative is one of their working request as well as skill. This skill helps them persuade residents in our neighborhood to pay certain fees, or collect certain fines. But most of the time, when I come to associate with their selfishless work, we chat. Our working conversations can go from a pick pocket case to how many children's fathers have run away from their mothers and slept with their female neighbors or nannies. Old ladies would always add various curious expressions and their hands would often cover half of their mouths, even though they were not really lowering their voices. The ladies always sit around a foldable old Chinese style dinner table. They laugh loudly and when they do it, a strange world seem to crack open its entrance for me with the women's open mouths and silver glittering teeth. It seems to suggest that I shall feel free to go into any of these teethed channels, because any of them can lead me to this one world which I have no idea how to imagine.

It is a lost place where I become a woman with two children, and one of the kids brought me huge over birth fine. I am trying my best to put up with my husband’s fists and live with my husband's mom who is babbling all day and night about me failing to produce a boy. I sometimes am an old guy over 70 years old, having a 60 something parlayed wife and a 35 year old single woman serving us like our daughter. We of course have no child, and this daughter like woman finally bared my son. But the little boy is only allowed to call me grandpa and my wife grandma although we are not really his grandparents. Or I am a 17 year old high school girl, studies my head off preparing for the national exam, and sometimes secretly dates a boy whose name I am not clear. He is not a student and not from my neighborhood…Every time I changed my identity in this world, my head grew bigger, and finally I was spitted out like a foreign body, and that is the time when my ghost finds where my physical body is.

“Xiao Liu” One of the old ladies, Auntie Lan called my nickname.

I have never realized after knowing these old ladies for three years, I still don’t know what their full names are. They are all aunties.

“Xiao Liu, What is the matter? You feel alright?”

It is again auntie Lan, one of the old women sitting at this old wooden dinner table across from me. I just realized, I have never asked their full names.

“Auntie Lan, what is your full name?” I cannot ask; it is super rude to ask an upper generation’s full name. She probably won’t tell me either even if I asked. Or maybe they don’t have full names. They are all aunties. Aunties at their age don’t need a name.

“I feel fine. I just had a headache.” I finally answered.

“It’s been too cold these days, cold like an old single man’s balls”

“Ahahahahaha”

That was a comment from Auntie Feng, a woman used to teach in primary school. “Kids are just little animals. What did Deng Xiaoping say before? Right, the two hands theory? You need exactly two hands to control them, one with strict rules, the other with candies. Then they will always follow your words in order to get candies.” That is what she said the first time I met her.

Auntie Feng has her own unbrokable theories about headaches.

“You must have walked against the wind and the cold air goes into your brain.”

“Some hot tea would help” they say.

“Have mine!” Auntie Feng pushed her tea cup to me. A glass cup wrapped with a woven cover, same color as its owner’s sweater, dark purple.

When I was in primary school, one of my favorite games was to drink water from girls’ water cups. I used to strongly believe that I kissed most of the pretty girls in my class indirectly, and in that case they also gave their first kisses to me. This little sweetness still secretly lays somewhere inside me.

But now I don’t have the intention to kiss Auntie Feng. That would ruin my perfect little secret and scare away those little pretty girls that sometimes are still giggling deep in my memory.

“Drink now, before it gets cold, here, I will add some hot water for you” Another auntie, with most silver teeth said.

“Yes, please, make it hot.” Then I don’t have to drink it.

The street government is a two-room organization, the room we are now in is like a combination of a living room and a kitchen, and the other room furnished with wooden floor is occupied by director Li, the head of the government; a man of 65 years old, half bald and wearing a dark blue suit with Chinese black cloth shoes all the time. He must have been a tall man, but now he is not, and with a slight hunched back, he always looks so friendly. Although I know that he does not really like to see me coming to the office twice a week and talk to the chicks and laugh along with them next door.

He never joins us. The reason is, like auntie Lan said, the authority. He is sure auntie Feng will report to him every time we talked. Maybe auntie Feng even knows how cold his balls are.

But I know he will join us later, because I gave a wanted sign to him when I came in. We, the police, will need their help.

Director Li came in with a strong smell of smoke. He must have just smoked.

“Director Li, what is new today? You finally come to join the masses.’ most silver teeth auntie teased him.

“Come director, sit here, it is warm here.” Auntie Feng jumps up and pointed to her seat to the director. We all stand up and wait the director to choose the seat he wants.

“Just heard you guys were laughing, and I decided to come and have a look. Sit down, sit down.” Li said while seated himself in Auntie Feng’s chair. Auntie Lan automatically gave her seat to Auntie Feng and she fetched another chair to sit down.

Auntie Feng stretched her arm and took the purple tea cup away from me, poured some tea out on the ground, and poured more hot water in, hand it to director Li’s face. Li took a small sip and smacked his lips

“Well, I am afraid I will have to stop your conversation for a while, because there is something really serious and bad happened in our neighborhood.” He paused and looked around at all the women and me.

The women held their breath, and frozen.

“Don’t be nervous. Here is a wanted sign, and please pass around, Feng.”

Auntie Feng took it over with two hands and started reading.

“Xiao Liu, you are a policeman, this sign is from your office, why didn’t you tell us?” Auntie Feng passed it to Auntie Lan, while looking at me with an annoyed face.

“I…”

“Don’t criticize Xiao Liu, he is still too young, he did bring it to me this afternoon, but he might not have realized how serious this is. There is still a lot you have to learn, young man, and pay more attention next time.”

Li Smiles at me, looking like a super friendly mother fucker.

“When some of you are reading it, I will just tell you what happened.” Li paused again, looked at me and seemed to wait me to speak. My headache was still there, and I would rather not say anything even if now somebody claimed that I were the wanted criminal.

Li opens his mouth again with a victory smile, “The police have arrested a big drug dealer in our neighborhood a week ago, and you all know it.”

Yes, of course I know it. I am not on duty on Saturdays. That day because of the sudden arresting action carried out by the city police headquarter, the chief had to work and I remembered that I once passed by No. 3 building that day, and saw many police cars including our chief’s old sonata.

“But one important evidence, 500 thousand RMB, was lost. Because the drug dealer knew that he could not run away and threw the money bag through the window half an hour before the police broke into his house. Around that time, our conpound security camera No. 60 under No.3 building took the picture of this man. You can see on the picture in the wanted sign, we have to keep an eye on a guy who is about 50 years old, wearing excise suit, a woven hat and scarf in our neighborhood. He might be the confederate.”

“This could be anybody, he is holding the bag, he is squatting, how tall is he, and I cannot see his face.” Auntie Lan asked nervously. “His coat, hat and scarf look quite familiar though.”

“There isn’t much of a fashion involving old men these days, their clothes are all similar.” Most silver teethed auntie gave a contemptuous look.

“Anyway, we will have to make at least 100 copies and make sure it can be seen at any corner of this neighborhood.” Auntie Feng frowned and nodded her head with extra strength to agree with her own decision.

As the only real police, so far I haven’t said anything, and my chief gave me this assignment, so I have to say something to save my chief’s authority.

“Chief Zhang said, there will be an additional reward to the people who spotted this criminal and reported to the police. Although he did not say how much that would be yet. ”

“How much is the reward?” asked the most silver teethed auntie.

“I don’t know yet, I will ask my chief when I go back.”

“But can we mention it to residents there will be a reward first?” Auntie Lan asked still very nervous.

“I will ask the chief first.”

Director Li call off the meeting right after I gave my answer to auntie Lan. The old women started to collect their stuff, and auntie Feng asked auntie Lan to take the sign to a near copy shop, and make 100 copies. After dinner they would gather together again and paste them around all the buildings.

Working at night is not fun, especially at such a cold night. Old ladies, I guess, are still ladies. I was invited to accompany them to paste the copies of that wanted sign, because they were nervous and afraid. Although Auntie Feng would insist that there is nothing that she is afraid of, she attached me for two hours in the name of giving me instructions when we were pasting the signs.

“Xiao Liu, use your fingers to put the glue on, or the paper will fall off easily.”

“Xiao Liu, do paste it up there, too low, too low.”

…

“So, Auntie Feng, you are really good to director Li.” I hope this would distract her.

“What are you talking about?” She giggled, “He is my leader, like a big boss in a company. We should all respect him. I just really respect him.”

“Anyone can tell you like him. Not just respecting though.” I put another sign without using my fingers to put glue on it, and she did not realize.

“Little monkey bastard, what do you know? How old are you? ” She giggled again “people at my age all have strict disciplines. We are way more honest than any generations in China’s history. Besides, I have husband, and I haven’t heard anyone saying me liking director Li, except you, and you are just like a little monkey to me. Hum, now you come to tease me?” She raised her voice when she said the last sentence, and her attention is back to my pasting the signs again.

“See it is too low again. Young people these days really don’t know how to work.”

“Auntie Feng, I don’t think criticizing a policeman is very good anyway.”

She realized that I am actually a government official in service and she is already retired. But expecting an apology from her would be harder than landing on the moon, for women at her age don’t know what sorry really means, or they just pretend this word never exists. However, she has her way to change our topic.

“Xiao Liu, how are you with your girlfriend? We haven’t seen her around for a while.” Auntie Feng’s face seems to be glittering in the dim light at an entrance door.

“Hmm, we broke up, I…”

“Good, you know what? I know a really good girl that would just make a perfect match with you.”

Auntie Feng would never have other people finished their sentences if she decides to give her thoughts first, and in this way, it seems that the other people would all fall into her control.

“That is Director Li’s niece. She also lives in this neighborhood, No.4 building.”

I would have guessed why she would be a perfect match for me. I am a policeman and she used to be a bludger, although she has never been officially arrested, she was famous for visiting our police section in the good old days.

“The fat lip girl?” I asked

“Don’t be so impolite. She does have fat lips and you probably know what she did before since you work in the police station. But she is different now, she is really good. Her mother, director Li’s sister was asking my help to find her a good husband, and Xiao Liu, how old are you? 30 something? Man at your age should not be too picky, besides her uncle is director Li.”

I would also have guessed what she would say next and I was so afraid she opened her mouth to say it, and she said it.

“It is weekend two days later, why don’t you have a date with her, I will arrange this for you. Don’t be shy. If one day you got married, you will have to thank me and propose a toast especially to me on your wedding.”

She laughed and the night shook in her laughter.

After living for 30 years, I have developed one trick to avoid things I don’t like. That is to pretend that nothing has really happened.

I did not say anything and I hope auntie Feng won’t just take this as me being shy and actually forgot what she has promised.

The signs now are up every corner of the neighborhood. 100 copies of the blur suspect figure. Drug dealing is way less serious in people’s mind then break-in rubbery and people being hurt. To them, it is just a kind of shameless business, and no one got hurt. The next morning, people gather around the wanted signs and started to imagine who that would be took the 500 thousand RMB. You can do a lot of things with 500 thousand RMB. You can buy a fancy Toyota, or buy an apartment in the near suburb, and you can travel to abroad or even start a small business. Who is the guy that took the money, the evidence that could sentence that drug dealer death penalty? How evil that guy is, and because of him, the drug dealer will just be put in jail for life long time. This won’t satisfy their anger.

After one day of waiting, no one called the number we left on the wanted sign. My job now is to wait for phone calls from the possible residents who might know that guy. Receiving phone call is easy, but I have to remember to tell the people who call in that there will be a reward for those who reported to the police station. The next time when I showed up in the conpound, all the people I met just asked one question, “how much would that reward be? Will that be 10% of the illicit money?” I have no idea. Maybe the chief is just willing to pay a dinner, because we don’t have money, and losing such an important evidence has already pissed off the higher authority. Who knows if the bigger bosses are happy to subsidize, and I even doubt our chief has the guts to ask for that.

“It is just a strategy, strategy that won’t hurt.” Chief Zhang says.

“But, how much are we going to offer? What if people call us liars?” I was a bit worried.

“No, no, they won’t. Who knows how long it will take us to find out which idiot jerk took that fucking money?” Chief is now impatient.

“But the drug dealer will get away right, I mean without this evidence?” I become a bit curious.

“No, there is no way for him to go. He is doomed, and we have the camera picture, remember?”

That picture won’t prove anything, and we all know it. It was just a man, assumingly old, holding a bag, with a bit hunched back.

“Xiao Liu, you should not worry about this now, just wait for phone calls and let people know that if they report, there will be a reward.”

“Yes, chief.’ I solute him and went back to the table where the light yellow phone sits on.

“Ah, also, don’t mention about our money issue to those old gossip women in the street government. A Bunch of noisy hens! ”

“Yes Chief.”

“Good, I have to go to the district police headquarter to report the current progress, and make sure to take note of each phone call.”

The phone rings just after the chief left in his old white and blue police car.

“Lanten Street Police Station, can I help you?”

“Xiao Liu?” It is the voice of auntie Feng.

“Yes, it is me.”

“Xiao Liu, are you ready for the date that I mentioned, with director Li’s niece?” auntie asked anxiously.

“No, auntie Feng. I am too busy, we are still trying to find the criminal, remember?” why couldn’t she just forget about that.

“But it is your day off tomorrow right? I have asked your chief. Also, I have talked to director Li, he is really happy to hear that you are interested in his niece.”

But, the fact is I have never been interested in that woman bludger.

“You don’t want your chief look down upon you right, when I asked him, he also express his happiness of you finally dating a good girl.”

And now I am wondering what is wrong with our chief who seems to know me better.

“Anyway, you have to come tomorrow to date director Li’s niece, they all know that in the neighborhood now, and all wish the two of you happiness. Or our of faces will be lost by you.”

Without hearing my voice, auntie Feng really got excited and quite irritated talking on the other side of the phone like I was the one causing trouble on purpose.

“Alright, I will come.” I will come to tell her that I am not interested.

“Very good, tomorrow afternoon 6pm at KFC at the entrance of lantern street; she has long hair dyed blond, and will be in a white down coat, anyway it will be easy to spot her, she has fat lips, and here is her number.”

I wrote down “long, blond, down coat” on a paper pad that I was supposed to write down the message of possible case reporting without bothering remembering this woman’s number.

I finally could hang up the phone and feel nauseous. I am known to be an okay policeman, or more like a wimp. People like auntie Feng would introduce such a garbage woman to me, and act like saving my life. The only thing that these people would respect a bit is my dark blue uniform. I sometimes get naked and see myself in the mirror, short black hair, small eyes, small nose, thin lips, thin chest, skinny limbs, and a very tiny pride of manhood. Though the me in the mirror is just a mirror refection.

There is something between director Li and auntie Feng. I am sure about that. Last Saturday, I sneaked into his room, and as a trained police officer, I know some thing had happened there between man and woman. They are sure careful, but the smell and hair on the cushion, the dark purple yarn thread stuck in the wooden floor. Also, a tiny hole on the elbow of auntie Feng’s dark purple sweater later I saw, which is to prove that she was caught on a tiny stuck out fragment of the wooden floor when she was lying there.

I was not surprised to find that, but this time it won’t be auntie Feng’s turn to order people around.

I called my chief and asked to borrow his old sonata. He agreed but warned me not to do anything bad in it. He will park it in the yard of our police station and leave the key on his desk.

6pm, Friday, it is the dinner time for most of the people in our neighborhood. Dark and cold winter sweep the street empty and made my shadow even lonelier than ever. Just now, I called auntie Feng’s house, but no one answered. Her husband should be palying Majiang somewhere, and I should know where she is now. I am walking to the wooden floor street government office

The buildings in our conpound all have same color, same height, and same design. The street government office is at the edge of the conpound and next to a small street called Lantern backstreet. At the end of that small street, is a half bankrupted gas station, and because almost no car passes by at night, this gas station usually closes after 8pm, but it will leave a light on and a 70 something old guy with deaf ears sleeping in it as safety guard. After three years of pretending to be kind old man and woman, it is time now to reveal what they really are.

The office is dark and cold. Director Li’s room is locked. But some minor scrubbing noise reminds that it is not empty. I suddenly feel a strange excitement arousing inside me. My body slight shakes, and I cannot help uttering a chuckle. The small noise stops. The office now is quiet as outer space. A heart beat, I heard somewhere, another heart beat, then another. It is from inside of me. So funny, I thought I was living, but I have never heard my heart beat before. Now I am facing a deadly silence, and there my heart beats again. A stream of warm blood rushes out from my heart, desperately looks for the right vessels which were dry and empty for ages, and squirts through them, and reaches every purse on my skin, beneath my nails, makes my hands shake even harder. My hands are warm, and I pounded Li’s door. The door seems so thin and it will crash very soon under my fists. But I don’t intend to stop. It has to open for me.

The door opens, and I find Li’s half bald head is stuck in the small crack.

“Ah, ah, Xiao Liu, what is up?”

“Let me in.”

“Why are you here? You haven’t gone home? It is la…te”

Our conversation is just waste of time. I kicked the door wide open with my police boot.

“Turn on the light, right now.”

Director wants to say something, but his tongue is entangled and only makes some confusing noise.

The light is on, auntie Feng is in her light yellow long underwear with her hand pressing on the light switch, shivering,

“What do you want?”

“I see now what is going on.” I chuckled again, good.

“I just come here to thank both of you to arrange the date for me tomorrow, I am sure going to meet her.”

“Good, ahhh….Xiao Liu…It is not like what you think, we were just…” Li finally squeezed some words out.

“No, of course not. Don’t worry, I have no intention of disturbing. I am leaving right now.”

I turned around.

Auntie Feng rushes to get her dark purple sweater, quickly putting it on. I turn back and look at her in her eyes when one of her arms is still stuck inside one of the sleeves.

“Anutie Feng, you told me that you belong to the most honest generation in our country, and since you are always so good to me, I think maybe I should tell you something now.”

Auntie Feng slowly stretches her arm straight and puts it down, looking at me like a wounded beast.

“Don’t be afraid, I am not going to threaten you two for what you have done. I guess it is your private issue. I want to tell you something about the case, we, the police, are trying to solve.”

Li now looks confused, but he might have sensed something.

“What is that?” Auntie Feng gets nervous.

“I know who took the money.” I utter every word slowly and confirmative.

“Who?” Auntie Feng asked still quite nervous.

“Director Li, or should I say suspect Li? I think it is time for you to confess now.”

Li opens his mouth, widens his eyes, and his lips are trembling. He turns to Auntie Feng, tries to smile and looks rather like about to cry.

“He is bluffing, I didn’t do anything, and you should know it.” Li seems to find his authority, but also seems to remind auntie Feng of something.

“No, he did not. I can prove it.” Auntie Feng remembered. Last Saturday, when the police were busy catching the drug dealer, they were doing exactly what they were trying to do just now.

“How can you prove it?” I walk up and opens Li’s closet. A exercise suit, woven hat and scarf. I grab the original wanted sign, which still sits on Li’s table.

“I know many old men these days tend to wear similar clothes, but will they wear exactly the same style? I doubt it. Li’s clothes fit the ones in the wanted picture. How can he prove that he is innocent.”

“Of course I can, we were together, we were…” Auntie Feng finally finds her courage back, but just for a second.

“Alright, alright, it seems that you will have to sacrifice one thing or another. The love, the money, the reputation, or the position so far you have been enjoying in this office? How can you choose? Wait, no matter what you choose, there will be a big scandal, how would your husband think about it? How do the residents or our fellow police think about it? The scandal will ruin you, for sure, no one will trust you anymore, no maybe worse, they will laugh at you and even look down upon you, talk about your affair or your secret relation with suspect Li like what you used to talk about others in this neighborhood. You have to think wise about it.”

Li suddenly gets furious “You liar, I did not do anything. The clothes were always here, and I seldom wear them.”

“That won’t prove anything and now it seems that your life lies in auntie Feng’s hands, unless she is willing to prove your innocence.”

They become quiet, like balloons lost the air.

“I won’t report it to the chief, because I want to give director Li a chance. You might become my uncle, right, if the date went well with you niece?”

Li’s face turns red, but cannot speak anything.

“I will let you to go to the chief when you figure out how to tell him, and give the money to the police. You should thank me for saving your face, or maybe even your life.”

I took the original wanted sign, walked out, slapped the door, and rushed into the darkness of cold winter. The dim light at the backstreet was on, the gas station should still be open at this time.

Winter without snow is much drier and colder. My face became stiff and when I finally reached the police station, I couldn’t even feel my own feet. I saw the yellow phone on my desk and the pad that I wrote on this afternoon. I took the pad and went into the chief’s room, sat at his desk, I found the sonata key that he left for me. He is a nice guy, so nice that sometimes you tend to forget about him. There’s almost nothing on the pad, except the several adjective words I wrote to remind me of my date tomorrow, I took a pencil and turned to a new page, I wrote “Lantern Backstreet gas station, old guy over 50 years old, wearing woven hats and scarf.”

I took the key, started the car and drove to the backstreet gas station. No one is there after 7pm, except the deaf old guy, I tried to tell him I needed some gas, he finally understood and let me use the fuel nozzle myself. I filled the tank and paid him, he shouted : “It is so cold, after 8pm, I am going to bed, I will lock the fuel nozzle and the station, and don’t come back, I cannot hear anything, and I won’t get up.”

This old sonata all belonged to me, I felt that I needed it more than ever. When I just got the key, I have checked every part this old car, the tires, the engines, and the trunk. Everything is as old as always, and as same as I saw it since last week.

On the way driving back to my place, I was thinking what director li would do in order to prove himself innocent. He can say that he did not take the money, but the police can still arrest him. He can hide it anywhere. Or Auntie Feng can confess that they had sex the time when the police were arresting the drug dealer and they did not even have the time to put up their pants. But Auntie Feng won’t do it. Three years of knowing her, I know she won’t let other dpeople think that she is actually just a bitch, like those women who were called bitch by her and slept with other people’s husbands. The two will have to figure out something, and I know they won’t just wait for me to go to the chief.

The next day, Saturday, a week away from the arresting action, and I slept until my phone rings. It was Director Li, he sounded nervous, but still tried to show his upper generation authority.

“Xiao Liu, I think there is some misunderstanding between you and me, I would like to talk to you after your date today.”

I know he would reach me after I reveal their secret.

“What do you think? We will just talk for a little while. I know you don’t have much money, but if it is just because of the reward and I am wronged by you, you will feel sorry too right? Police should not do something like that?”

He is right, police are not supposed to do something to wrong innocent people.

“Okay, we can talk. Why don’t you come to my office?”

“No, no, I don’t think it is very good to talk about our private stuff in the police station.”

“Where do you want to meet?”

“How about my office, at the street government?”

“If you are trying to trick me, I think we don’t need to talk at all. How about I call the chief and you can talk to him instead.”

“No, Xiao Liu, you don’t understand. I really did not do anything bad, I just want to prove it to you that I have nothing to do with the money stealing case. As to your auntie Feng, you know her husband only loves Ma Jiang, and he does not even look at her. I guess, maybe I really love her, but whatever, please, let’s talk, I think you will understand how I feel. Also, you are going to date my niece right? I will be your family soon.”

He became desperate, and sounded like any common suspect that we sometimes talk to.

“I will meet you, but on the street, at the backstreet gas station.”

“Okay, okay”

“ I will meet you there at 7:30pm. Also, wear your clothes from the closet.”

“Why? Are you trying to trick me now?”

“I have to see you wear it and prove that you are different from guy in the picture. That is why I choose the gas station to meet because no one will be there, or do you want to come directly to my office and have the chief forced you to put on the clothes?”

“Okay, I will do it, as long as you will believe that I really did not do it.”

“As long as you can prove it.”

I decided to go to my date in my police uniform. KFC on Saturday evening is always filled with kids coming back from various training classes. A 6 or 7 year old girl was sobbing and eating a chicken wing while her mom was holding a violin looking rather angry. It was not hard at all to spot Li’s niece, and she spotted me even sooner.

“Hey there, police, come over.” She stood up and with a camera in her hand.

I walked toward to her through a crowd of children, suddenly she took her camera and snapped a picture.

“What are you doing?”

“Isn’t that cute that I took a picture of you? This is going to be our first sight evidence.”

“What evidence?’

“First sight, that how you fall in love with me.”

She looked at me through her thick fake eye lashes and her blue color pupils.

“You don’t look like Chinese girl at all.”

“Really, thanks, I just want to look sexy, like Britney Spears.”

She examed me again

“You look alright, but I hate your uniform. Stupid policeman, I don’t know why my uncle wants me to date a policeman, and do you see people come to date wearing police uniform?”

I tried to smile.

“Well, I still have work to do later, and I won’t have time to change.”

“You are honest at least. But I still hate your uniform. I like bigger guys too, you are so small. Have you ever caught any real criminal?”

“What do you mean, real criminal? Criminals are all real.”

“Anyway, I am just saying that you are too skinny to be a police. I used to see the police in the street police office a lot. Your chief, he used to be really strong. He once dragged me away when I was trying to fight for my boyfriend with other kids in the neighborhood. Do you know my boyfriend? ”

“Your boyfriend?’

“Ah, my ex-boyfriend. He is in jail now. Stupid ass stole some fucking telephone cable. I sometimes really miss that jerk. Really different from you, you are so skinny.”

“I might have read his files before.”

She took another picture of me.

“Why do you always take picture of me.”

“Don’t ask, just smile, I am collecting evidence.”

“I will buy you something to eat.” I stood up, and she took another picture of me.

What evidence was she collecting, and she does not even seem to fake her feeling about unwilling to date me. I should thank her for not like to date me. But what does she want?

I bought her chicken burger and soup.

“Eat first, and I will have to work afterwards.”

“I am not your suspect, don’t talk to me like that.” She rolled her eyes.

I smiled again, and she took another picture of me.

“I think you have enough evidence now, you don’t have to keep taking pictures.”

“You know what, I have decided to help you to work today. I will collect evidence for you too. Like my uncle said, policemen do need pictures to prove things, right?”

“Your uncle asked you to bring this camera.”

“This is a new camera, digital camera, new model, a gift from my uncle, to congratulate me for my new date. He gave it to me this afternoon It is mine now, and if I dump you right now, he cannot take the camera back.”

KFC became noiser with kids shouting, laughing, and crying.

“Okay, finish you food, and you can come to work with me.”

“Good, for the fucking first time, I am helping a policeman.’

She started to eat the chicken I bought, the oil stained her fingers and her fat lips were shiny.

The cold wind outside stopped her from talking, and she seemed regretted to come out with me.

“What work do you have to do?”

“I am going to spot a suspect and that will take some time, it is 7pm, and are you sure you want to come with me?”

“Well, I guess, my uncle wants me to show him the pictures of me, you and us. Then I will tell him you drag me out and work with you. You did not treat me well and I don’t want to keep dating. I will need the evidence. I will take picture of you, and show them to my mom, my uncle and shut them up.”

“But, you should not disturb me, If I cannot catch him, and you will be a suspect too.”

“Why?”

“Because if you disturb the police action, then you are a criminal as well.”

She closed her mouth for the wind was blowing too srong.

“Now, get in the car, I will drive.”

She got in. “Policemen are lousy, look at this crap.”

“This is chief’s car, the best in our station.”

I was lucky that she did not say anything, for I was thinking how long it will take us to squat in the wind.

I stopped at the gas station, and parked it in the shadow.

“Now come out, we cannot sit and spot here, we have to squat there across from the gas station.”

She took her camera with her, and was going take another picture of me. I grabbed her wrist and stopped her.

“If you want to scare the suspect away by flashing, I will arrest you right here.”

“I dare you to do it, my boyfriend will beat the shit out of you when he comes out of the…”

“Be quiet” I put my hand on her lips, and dragged her to holly bush across from the gas station.

I wiped my hand on my pants, and it still smells like the KFC oily chicken.

Squatting is a skill, as a policeman, this is the first skill that I learned to associate with higher authority’a arresting action. But today, I know I don’t have wait long to see the suspect, and his niece is right next to me.

“The suspect will be a man, old, with hat and scarf, now you cannot take pictures, but you can take picture only when I fight against the suspect. You hear me?”

“Okay, but I am so not dating you anymore, loser.”

She was not a policeman and she could not hold as long as I could.

"So, tell me, how long do we have to be here?"

Patience, patience, patience…

"I have been really patient, and at least you should tell me who we are trying to spot. Why do I have to squat here too? Why cannot I just sit in the car? What is the difference?"

“If you want to prove me treating you badly, and this is your chance. Be Quiet now.”

A guy is walking toward us, a guy with exercise suit and woven hat and scarf.

“The suspect.” She cried.

“Shut up, just remember what I told you.”

It is director Li, looking around at the gas station.

I came out from the bush, leaving his niece alone there holding her new camera.

“Ah, you are here, I was looking for you. Did you go to your date in your police uniform?”

“Director Li, there is something I have to tell you.”

“What?”

“I don’t think we need to talk, and actually today you have also tricked your niece to take picture of me as evidence.”

“I did not.”

“After I told you to wear these clothes to see me, you have already planned everything. You bought her a camera, told her to prove how good your decision is for her to date me. She hates policeman and she will never prove that we are happy together. You have decided to trick me into the money stealing case. She will take pictures, and in the pictures I will be talking to the suspect, and I am involved. You, and actually auntie Feng knows that I am always off on Saturday, and it could be me helping the drug dealer’s confederate getting the money.”

“Xiao Liu, for three years, I thought you are just a dumb kid. I even gave you the chance to date my family. No one has ever been able to fool me or trick me. You think I am just a street government head. You are wrong, in this neighborhood, I have unmovable authority. How can I lose my fame just because of you, young and inexperienced kid, wanted to threaten me. This is your chance. You won’t get away from this either. So, just pretend nothing had ever happened.”

“You want to pretend, but it is too late.”

I grabbed his hand, and slip out a dagger that I hid earlier in my sleeve.

“What are you doing?” He is scared.

I quickly put the dagger in his hand that I was holding, and close his fist, and stepped my left sleeve.

He started to shout, and trying to hold back his hand. How could a scared old man fight against my strength?

The blood oozed out, and wet our hands. He screamed, and I saw the flash from the holly bush. I finally let him go, he jumped away from me, and rushed all he could to the darkness of the cold winter.

His niece came out of the bush, I staggered towards her and fell.

She saw the blood, screamed, dropped the camera and run after her uncle. Her figure in the distance looked like a white candle with a red flame.

They disappeared, and the new digital camera lies on the ground.

I stood up, went back to the old sonata, started the engine, took off my uniform and the empty blood bag that I have installed on my left sleeve, and drove all the way to the wild, to the place that no one knows me, with the 500 thousand money bag in the trunk of this old crappy sonata.

Jumping out of Beijing

2010-10-10T12:22:00.001-07:00

It's been more than a month since I moved from Beijing to New York. I have been thinking about writing something, but I failed to bring myself to write anything especially on my blog which is still blocked in China.

I heard a lot about how intense the US graduate school could be before I came here, and I thought it would never be as intense as Chinese high school. The reality has proved my thoughts wrong. When I was in high school, about 11 years ago, we spent at least 12 hours a day in school. All I wanted was to sleep. Everything of our life was about school. I did not realize that until later I told my husband the funny stories of my classmates, and he said: "So, you guys never went out or something? Why did all the stories happen in School?" Well, that was what our life was like back in 1999.

Now I am in Graduate school here in New York. To be honest, I still really want to find some time to have a good night's sleep. The school life is not easy. But, it's not the part of how much we have to read or write everyday that gives me pressure. It's the idea or creative thought that challenges me.

There's a lot to learn and to improve. I am trying to change my writing style as well, or I did not really have a style to begin with. But I have decided to try.

Biggest Challenge Ever

2010-08-09T11:40:00.001-07:00

This week, I am supposed to finish two stories, and then I realized that I have an extra story that I really do want to look into. So, I have two weeks before leaving the station, and I need to finish all of them before the end of 19th. This took me back to two years ago when I was working on my homosexual piece, and it really took me forever to finish it. I don't really know why it took me that long, but I thought the reason would be I had other work to do at the same time, and reporting was an extra load to my plate.
Anyway, this time, the two weeks ahead will be a good test for me, and we will see where I really is standing right now on the path of journalism.

Pictures from internet

2009-02-26T08:06:00.000-08:00

I found these very cute pictures, and cannot stop laughing when I look at some of them. Hope you like them too.

Winesburg Ohio小镇畸人 No Body Knows试译

2009-02-23T08:13:00.000-08:00

谁也不知道

乔治·韦里德谨慎地四下瞄了几眼，从万斯小镇鹰报办公室，他自己的办公桌旁站起来，迅速地从后门蹿了出去。夜晚有些暖意，天色阴沉沉的，虽然还没到8点，鹰报办公室后门前的小过道已经是伸手不见五指了。一群被拴在桩子上的马，在黑暗中用蹄子跺着坚硬的土地。一只猫从乔治·韦里德的脚下窜出，径直奔入黑夜之中。这年轻人紧张起来。他像被人打了头一样昏昏沉沉地在办公室里混了一整天。现在，在这个小过道上，似乎是因为害怕，他身子不停地颤抖。

在黑暗里，乔治·韦里德小心谨慎地溜过小过道。万斯小镇的店铺后门都开着，他能看见有些男人围坐在店里的灯光下。在梅而伯的杂货店里，小酒馆老板的老婆维利太太挎着个篮子，站在柜台前面。店员西德·格林正等着她，他身子探过柜台，正认真地说着什么。

乔治·韦里德蜷起身子，跳过杂货铺门前灯光投在地上的那片光影，继续快速地向黑暗里奔去。在艾德·格里夫斯的酒馆后面，镇上有名的老醉鬼杰瑞·博德四仰八叉地醉倒在地上。奔跑着的年轻人差点被他的腿绊倒。年轻人嗤嗤地笑了几下。

乔治·韦里德开始了探险。一整天他都在努力地说服自己去完成这次冒险。现在他开始行动了。在万斯镇鹰报的办公室里，他从六点钟开始就坐在那里寻思。

他根本没有拿定主意。他只能先跑出来，快速地躲开还在印刷店里做校对的威尔· 汉德森，然后沿着小过道溜了出来。

乔治·韦里德避开行人，匆忙地经过一条条街道。他甚至一次又一次地穿过同一条路。每当经过路灯，他就把帽子往下拉，盖住脸。他不敢思考。他意识到了恐惧，但是那是一种他从未有过的恐惧。他害怕自己失去勇气向后转，那探险就泡汤了。

乔治·韦里德找到了路易斯·初宁，她正借着油灯在她爸爸的厨房里刷盘子。这厨房更像是房子后面的一顶棚子，路易斯就站在纱门里面。乔治·韦里德在一排尖木桩栅栏前停下，努力地想控制住不停颤抖地身体。一畦土豆地把他和他的奇遇隔了开来。5分钟过去了，他才找到勇气出声。

“路易斯！嘿，路易斯！”

他朝她喊着。他的呼喊声卡在嗓子里，变成沙哑的咝咝声。

路易斯·初宁走出来，踏过那畦土豆地，手里还拿着块擦盘子用的抹布。

“你怎么知道我愿意跟你出去，” 她嗔怪地问：“你凭什么这么确定？”

乔治·韦里德没有回答。两个人就在黑暗里静静地隔着篱笆站着。

“你先走” 她说：“我爸在家，我一会就来。你在威廉姆家的马厩那儿等我。”

这年轻的报社记者早上的时候在办公室里收到了路易斯·初宁写给他的一张纸条。上面只写着一句话 “ 你要我，我就是你的。” 现在隔着个栅栏，她就可以在黑暗里假装他们俩之间什么关系都没有，这真是挺让人讨厌的。

“她倒是有胆量！反正，不管怎么说，她胆子挺大。” 他边沿着小路向前走，边嘀咕着。他经过一片种着玉米的空地。齐肩高的玉米正好就种在路边。

路易斯·初宁从她家前门出来，身上还是那件刚刚洗盘子时穿的方格子裙子。她头上也没带帽子。乔治看见她站在门前，手里握着把手，和屋子里的什么人说话。一定是和老杰克·初宁，她的爸爸说话。老杰克耳朵不好使。她边朝屋子里喊着，边关上了门。小路上的一切都黑黢黢静悄悄的。乔治·韦里德比刚才抖得更厉害了。

乔治和路易斯在威廉姆家马厩的影子里站着，谁也不敢先开口。她也不是特别地好看，鼻子侧面有块黑色的东西。乔治想，她刚才肯定是在厨房里擦过锅，再用手揉了鼻子。

小伙子不自然地笑了笑：“今晚不冷。” 他说。

他真想用手碰碰她。

“我胆子一点都不大。” 他想，就摸一下她那脏兮兮的裙子褶，也应该能让人挺兴奋的吧。

姑娘突然狡谐地说：“你觉得你比我强。别说话，我猜我知道。”她说着，身子慢慢靠近了他。

乔治·韦里德的话突然向決堤了一般冲出他的喉咙。他记得那天在街上他们相遇时，这女孩眼睛里露出的暧昧，他又想起了她给他写的那张纸条。他不再怀疑了。镇上关于这女孩的那些风言风语倒给了他信心。他现在是完整的雄性，勇敢而且好斗。他心里对眼前的这个女孩没有丝毫的同情。

“哎，好了，来吧，没事的。谁也不会知道。他们怎么可能知道呢？”他催促着。

他们并肩走在两边长满了高高的野草的砖石小路上。路面上由于缺了许多砖块，因此粗糙不平。他牵着她的手，她的手也很粗糙，但是他觉得那只手倒是格外的小巧。

“我不能再往前走了。” 她说。她的声音很轻，很平静。

他们通过小溪上的一座桥，又经过了一片长着玉米的空地。小路走到了头。两个人一个在前，一个在后地走上路旁的一条小径。威尔·欧沃顿的浆果田就在他们旁边，地上还堆着很多木板。

“威尔准备做些板条箱子好装他种的浆果。”乔治说。

他们坐在了木板堆上。

当乔治·韦里德重新回到镇上那条主路的时候，已经过了十点。天也开始下起了雨。他在这条主路上从头到尾来来回回地走了三遍。希而维斯特·维斯的药店还开着。他进去买了一只雪茄。店员矮子克兰多和他一块走出来站在门口，他觉得挺高兴。

这两个人站在药店遮雨棚的下面聊了5分钟。乔治·韦里德觉得很满意，他现在迫切的需要和谁聊聊。转过街角，他吹着口哨，向着韦里德家的新房子轻快地走去。

在维尼干货店旁边的便道上是一排高高的板条篱笆，上面贴着马戏团的画片。他停下来，还吹着口哨，在黑暗中一动不动地站着，仿彿是等着哪个声音叫喊他的名字。他又不自然地笑了笑。

“她没抓到我的把柄。谁也不知道。”

他顽固地嘀咕着，继续向前走去。

The Happiness of Cooking Simple Food

2009-02-23T05:46:00.000-08:00

Financial Crisis is spreading around the world and the severe draught this year has warned everyone of us to treat food seriously. I am a Chinese. As the old Chinese saying says food is of the utmost importance to human beings. I start to treat food seriously too. But the way of my being serious is actually to be more serious about spending money. I mean not to spend too much on daily meals. It is funny though. I have always wondered how did other people save money? How do married people like us save money, and where is this money from? I recently just realized that you can save a lot just by eating at home. You cook yourself. There are several advantages:
1, It is clean. The food needs to be processed before they are ready to be cooked. Are you sure they will be washed as clean as you imagined? Also, You will never know what the chefs or the waiters or the waitresses touched before they touched the food you ordered. Do you really trust them? I used to doubt about how clean the food could be when it was being cooked, but I told myself to focus on the delicious meal. But it is true that these people might sneeze when they were cooking, let's just say that it is because of pepper or onion for now. Anyway, if you wash the vegetable yourself, and prepare rice and meat yourself too, I think you are sure it is at least clean enough.
2, It is cheap. I have calculated how much money we have spent in an okay restaurant in Beijing for a dinner. It is about 70-100RMB, sometimes a little bit more for two of us. Now we have been cooking at home for dinner and guess how much we are spending for each meal. Less than 15 RMB, for Chinese style potato and beef, and a stir fired vegetable and a cucumber and egg soup, of course there is rice too. Typical Chinese home made simple food, but good enough to make my husband have two bows of rice in a row. I am pretty satisfied with this.
So, please try to cook and spend less money on dinner that you are sure able to make at home.
There are disadvantages too, I have to say. First, it takes time. But if you practice like I do, you will be able to finish all the cooking in one hour for sure, and another half an hour to eat. With the same time, you probably are still sitting in the restaurant and wondering what to do next.
However, the biggest disadvantage probably is that you contribute less to increase our beloved motherland's GDP.

One of Many Brave Steps

2009-02-23T03:43:00.000-08:00

On Valentine's Day this year, two couples dressed up went to one of Beijing's most famous streets-- the brand new Qian Men Da Jie, hand in hand to display themselves and give free roses to people passing by.
The four of them are two women and two men, and the reason they drew a lot of attention is they are gay couples.
They were in suits and wedding gowns. It is not strange to see a man and a woman wear wedding dresses walking around in Beijing. Usually these couples are taking wedding dress photos. People passing by at beginning thought this was again couple taking wedding photos, until they realized that these couples were different. People were not thinking about too much really when they were handed to roses. It was Valentine's Day, and everyone is handing everyone else free roses. Shops, Restaurants, and a lot of other places give free roses as gifts. Like this man, who just thought it was fun that some one gave his grandson a free rose and was not prepared to experience anything else more.
He was very soon told that the two men who gave his grandson roses were a gay couple, and was asked if he had ever heard of gay people in China. He thought for a while and said he heard of gay people before but had nev er seen one in person. Again, he was asked another question "what do you think of gay marriage."
This time, he did not think at all and said that he did not believe that two men could get married and there's no way he could support these people either. According to his explanation, it is against China's tradition, and there were no gay people in China. When someone tried to tell him homosexuality was by no means a strange thing in China's history, he just refused to listen and took his grandson's hand and dashed through the crowd gathering around the couple.
This old man is a grandfather. I was wondering how he would explain to his grandson what was going on there and why his grandfather suddenly dragged him away. It must be hard for him to tell the little boy why. But I could imagine that he might tell this little boy to forget what he has seen and don't learn from those two men when he grows up. One might find it hard to believe that people like him in China strongly believe that homosexuality never existed or gay people are bad. But this is the practical situation. China's tradition tend to tell people that homosexuality is something abnormal, thus it is a kind of mental disease or even worse something guilty.Although such description of homosexuality has been removed from the legal terms, people still don't believe that gay people are as same as they are. Therefore it is not hard to understand why this old man reacted like this when he really saw gay people with his eyes the first time. Will he think about it again or simply forget what he has experienced.
It does not matter what people might say or react. These couples are brave. They know it is not easy and they have never expected it to be easy for the entire society to accept them. They are trying.
I saw the smile on the women couple's faces. I can tell that they are not putting up a show just to draw people's attention. Those smiles are real.
They probably know that a free rose won't really win anyone's heart on this Valentine's Day, but by coming out and standing in the crowd, they are showing their love which is no different than anyone else's in this world.
I am wondering if those heterosexual couples who are facing difficulties to be recognized would have the same courage to come out and declare their love to each other.
These people are brave. It may take forever for them to reach the goal of marriage, but at least they are one step closer.

Have a bite!

2009-02-20T22:35:00.000-08:00

I saw a news a while ago. A young woman hit her mother at a job market, just because she did not want to have a job and her mom forced her to get one. This reminds me a very popular Chinese term called Ken Lao (“啃老” in Chinese). I was trying to find a good translation for this word and the results on google show that most people translate this into "Bite thd Old" or "Bitting-old" etc. This is a Chinese term, and was created by Chinese society. Young people in any country would be seen as hopes of their nations and this is true in China. But many Chinese young adults cannot find jobs, or maybe they don't have enough income, then they will need their parents help with life, mostly with money. It is funny to see that those who are adults and still depend on their parents, are called ken lao zu "啃老族". These people share a same feature--live off their parents.
Chinese kids, especially those who were born after the 1980s are widely considered as selfish and spoiled. Although this is really a arbitary evaluation, it is true that these people have stronger sense of self and bigger ambitions. It is not bad at all for people to know what they really want. But it seems that the young people don't have enough strength to claim who they are and what they want, and frequently they are the ones "bite" their parents.
It is actually not strange at all that a lot of young adults live off their parents, and a lot of them are not ashamed of doing so. I am not saying that they are doing the right thing. But go back to exam how these people grow up, you probably would agree with me.
People who are born after 1980s are lucky. They did not experience any big movements in China and China's economy started to sprout and grow, therefore, most of these people have no memory of hunger. They had peaceful childhood and most of them have okay living condition. But, we also have to have a look at their parents. Most of their parents were born in the 1950s. Hunger, poverty, and struggle occupied their entire childhood and young aduldhood. How do they feel about losing all the opportunities to be able to live the way the like? I cannot imagine. So their children, those who had no idea, or even though they knew, but still couldn't sense at all what their parents have gone through, their lives were planned by their parents in order to fullfil both generations' dreams. In the parents' minds, the only way and the maybe the shortest way to reach these goals is to study, to have their children fully armed with as much knowledge as possible. This is not wrong. A generation with great knowledge. What a wonderful scene is that? Children were not allowed to do anything else but study. Parents might have thought that if they put all their energy and their money into their kids' study, then their kids will at least be able to achieve something good in the future. It is a good thought. But maybe most of parents consider something good as fame and money that can directly bring a better life both to their children and to them. It is a good materialism life. Still I cannot say it is wrong. If this is something you really want to have, and you make it happen, then it is great. But the truth is, most of the children did not make a lot of money even though they have been to colleges and won various certificates. They cannot find the jobs that would satisfy their hearts or their family, and the result is they would rather go home and keep biting their parents. I bet this is not something their parents would want to happen. But parents have great love, they have to open the door for their children. There is no choice. These children have no strength to do something else, because they have never done anything else except studying after they were born. It does not really matter how old they are now, they are still children. With a simple wish, and a simple definiation of good life, the parents have given all they have. But for most of them, their experiment failed. At least for now, they failed. How could these parents ignore the basic element of a human being? Your children are not you, they are different people. Maybe it was the hardship in the past blind these parents and with an impatient and desperate aura hanging around all the parents, they couldn't really see something else coming out of their children. They haven't really grown up either. Suddenly, the entire Chinese sociey is filled with "Children". Therefore, I canno blame those who are way older than teenagers and still spending their parents money to have a good life.
You would ask when these biting-the-old guys would grow up. I really want to ask when those who are being bitten would grow up first.
It is really like the song sings "you get what you give."

New Blog

2009-02-19T00:09:00.000-08:00

I think I am going to like this place, but I don't really know. I have opened many blogs but I haven'
t really keep on writing on any of them. Hope this time I can write something interesting here.